Wednesday, 22 February 2012

The MedicAd Corporation - Free Private Healthcare!

The citizens of the United States have been calling out for cheap healthcare, without having to worry about the evils of ‘universal government programs’ and ‘helping fellow citizens with tax money’.

The MedicAd Corporation has proudly decided to step up and fill this gap left by the government and insurance companies. No longer will you be turned away at the hospital gates for medical insurance purposes. You can rest assured that the only patients we throw out onto the street are the ones who hate freedom and compassionate capitalism.

Recently, we have acquired a network of private clinics and hospitals around the country, where we treat all known ailments and conditions. Everything from sprained ankles and cosmetic issues to complicated neurosurgery procedures are treated by our medical staff. We also offer a helpful ear to our patients with interactive artificial intelligence chat functions.

Read on to discover what it costs (or rather doesn’t cost) you.

Advertising Your Good Health

In our experience, advertisements make the world go round. Apple could never have become the pioneer of technology and Chinese workers' rights that it is today, without a little help from Ridley Scott and his famous 1984 advertisement. You would not be able to pry into the lives of people you don’t know on Facebook, if Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t let various corporations pry into yours. The advertising business model works wonders, and it is now poised to gift the United States its greatest innovation yet.

Free Healthcare!

Using simple technology and with the help of some of the largest marketing firms in the country, we can wean you off your high medical bills & insurance premiums, and put you on a healthy diet of targeted advertisements. 

Here’s how the process works:

Take aim at your bills

1. Visit one of our centres. We verify your details, take care of the legal mumbo jumbo (such as a full liability waver) with an easy-to-understand contract and welcome you as a member for free!

The MedicAd Screen BraceletTM

2. We attach one of our MedicAd Screen BraceletsTM to your wrist. These light and comfortable screens are worn for the entire duration of your contract with us, and deliver targeted advertisements directly to you.

More money for non-medical drugs!

3. Your future medical and pharmaceutical bills at our hospitals and centres are completely free.

The MedicAd Screen BraceletTM

Our patented bracelets are no larger than an iPhone and easily fit on your wrist. When you join us, our sales team will note your preferred interests and appropriately beam exciting new advertisements for useful products and services straight to you on a regular basis! In order to best serve your interests, we ask you to adhere to these conditions:

1. Depending on the amount of medical bills you have incurred, you must 'acknowledge' a set number of advertisements per day.

Example code highlighted in red

This is done by viewing the advertisement, noting the random 4 digit code generated and entering it on the number keypad. Example advertisement acknowledgement numbers that we expect for treatments (please note that these figures vary for each person):

No outstanding visits: No extra acknowledgements necessary
Regular checkup: 3 adverts per day for a week
Cold Treatment: 10 adverts per day for a week
Breast Implants: 50 adverts per day for 6 months
Heart Surgery: 100 adverts per day for a year

Note: Patients who fail to meet these targets once will be fitted with our ‘second chance’ bracelet. These occasionally emit a harmless electronic shock when a new advert appears, to remind the patient to view and acknowledge it, until the day’s target is met.

Please refer to the end of these conditions to understand what happens if this bracelet is refused or a patient fails to meet ad-acknowledgement targets for a second time.

2. You must not attempt to remove or deactivate the bracelet at any point. Any issue with it must be attended to by a certified MedicAd representative (for maintenance / repair / any other purpose). The bracelet is tamper-proof and comes equipped with sensors that alert MedicAd to these actions.

3. The bracelet also tracks your daily movement. We only use this information to further tailor the advertisements to your preferences. Therefore, please go about your daily business as normal, without worrying that we will use any incriminating information against you in the future.

Breaking any of these conditions will result in the immediate cancellation of your medical plan, and immediate court proceedings for the sum of all medical costs incurred by the member to date.


We are always looking for new advertisers to promote their businesses on our bracelets. Please contact us to request a full brochure of advertising costs for types including:

  • Regularly Scheduled Adverts
  • Electronic Shock Adverts
  • Adverts with Sound

Enquire now!

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