The citizens of the United
States have been calling out for cheap healthcare, without having to worry
about the evils of ‘universal government programs’ and ‘helping fellow citizens
with tax money’.
The MedicAd Corporation
has proudly decided to step up and fill this gap left by the government and
insurance companies. No longer will you be turned away at the hospital gates
for medical insurance purposes. You can rest assured that the only patients we
throw out onto the street are the ones who hate freedom and compassionate capitalism.
Recently, we have acquired
a network of private clinics and hospitals around the country, where we
treat all known ailments and conditions. Everything from sprained ankles and
cosmetic issues to complicated neurosurgery procedures are treated by our
medical staff. We also offer a helpful ear to our patients with interactive artificial
intelligence chat functions.
Read on to discover what
it costs (or rather doesn’t cost) you.
Advertising Your Good Health
In our experience,
advertisements make the world go round. Apple could never have become the
pioneer of technology and Chinese workers' rights that it is today, without a
little help from Ridley Scott and his famous 1984 advertisement. You would
not be able to pry into the lives of people you don’t know on Facebook, if
Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t let various corporations pry into yours. The
advertising business model works wonders, and it is now poised to gift the
United States its greatest innovation yet.
Free Healthcare!
Using simple technology
and with the help of some of the largest marketing firms in the country, we
can wean you off your high medical bills & insurance premiums, and put you on a
healthy diet of targeted advertisements.
Here’s how the process works:
 |
| Take aim at your bills |
1. Visit one of our centres. We verify your details, take care of the legal mumbo jumbo (such as a full liability waver) with an easy-to-understand contract and welcome you as a member for free!
 |
| The MedicAd Screen BraceletTM |
2. We attach one of our MedicAd Screen BraceletsTM to
your wrist. These light and comfortable screens are worn for the entire duration of your contract with us, and deliver targeted advertisements
directly to you.
 |
| More money for non-medical drugs! |
3. Your future medical and
pharmaceutical bills at our hospitals and centres are completely free.
Simple!
The MedicAd Screen BraceletTM
Our
patented bracelets are no larger than an iPhone and easily fit on
your wrist. When you join us, our sales team will note your preferred interests
and appropriately beam exciting new advertisements for useful products and
services straight to you on a regular basis! In order to best serve your interests,
we ask you to adhere to these conditions:
1. Depending on the amount of medical bills you have incurred, you must 'acknowledge' a set number of advertisements per day.
1. Depending on the amount of medical bills you have incurred, you must 'acknowledge' a set number of advertisements per day.
 |
| Example code highlighted in red |
This is done by viewing the advertisement,
noting the random 4 digit code generated and entering it on the number keypad. Example
advertisement acknowledgement numbers that we expect for treatments (please note that these
figures vary for each person):
No
outstanding visits: No extra acknowledgements necessary
Regular
checkup: 3 adverts per day for a week
Cold
Treatment: 10 adverts per day for a week
Breast
Implants: 50 adverts per day for 6 months
Heart
Surgery: 100 adverts per day for a year
Note:
Patients who fail to meet these targets once will be fitted with our ‘second
chance’ bracelet. These occasionally emit a harmless electronic shock when a
new advert appears, to remind the patient to view and acknowledge it, until the
day’s target is met.
Please
refer to the end of these conditions to understand what happens if this bracelet is
refused or a patient fails to meet ad-acknowledgement targets for a second time.
2. You
must not attempt to remove or deactivate the bracelet at any point. Any issue with it must
be attended to by a certified MedicAd representative (for maintenance / repair
/ any other purpose). The bracelet is tamper-proof and comes equipped with
sensors that alert MedicAd to these actions.
3. The
bracelet also tracks your daily movement. We only use this information to further tailor
the advertisements to your preferences. Therefore, please go about your daily
business as normal, without worrying that we will use any incriminating information against you in the future.
Breaking any of these conditions
will result in the immediate cancellation of your medical plan, and immediate court
proceedings for the sum of all medical costs incurred by the member to date.
Advertisers
We are always looking for
new advertisers to promote their businesses on our bracelets. Please contact us
to request a full brochure of advertising costs for types including:
- Regularly Scheduled Adverts
- Electronic Shock Adverts
- Adverts with Sound
Enquire now!
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