Sunday, 26 February 2012

The Disciples of Ink - We control literary destiny

The Disciples of Ink was founded in 1546 as a secret society to advance the art of writing. Many of history’s greatest writers covertly worked in our organisation and references can be seen in their works.

The three witches in Shakespeare’s Macbeth represent three harlots who turned down the bard’s advances during one of our infamous Masquerade Balls. Mark Twain was notoriously bad with financial matters, and based Tom Sawyer’s entrepreneurial trickery on one occasion where we gave him the ‘privilege’ of painting our headquarters in return for an increased share of his book royalties.

Even authors who were denied membership based novels on us - Herman Melville’s Moby Dick drew upon his anger at being left out and his unwise decision to spend the rest of his life battling us. Others choose not to think of us as the giant white sperm whale of the literary world, but as the real handle that turns the gears. Ernest Hemingway once put it best at one of our speakeasy book gatherings:

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and shed blood for The Disciples of Ink.”

Of course for obvious reasons, our agents changed the accepted version of this quote to “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

What we do

This can be summed up quite simply: 

We guarantee the success of any book that is published by our members.

We pick our potential authors based on their previous works and welcome them to our organisation. In return for a 50% share of future royalties, our extended agent network guarantees its success.

How? Now that would be telling…Stephen King once asked too many questions about our organisation and…well the less said the better.

Why reveal our existence now?

At our most recent convention, one of our elders interrupted J.K Rowling’s reading of the last meeting’s minutes to bring up an interesting point. With the latest advances in independent publishing, the advanced state of social networking and increasingly lax governance on private institutes, it would be foolish to spend more money on maintaining a cloak of invisibility. Incidentally, the cloak of invisibility in the Harry Potter books was inspired by technology that our agents use on a daily basis.

That’s why we have privately purchased Amazon and are discretely announcing our presence to the world through this blog. We review every independently published book that is published on the Amazon website, and are midway through plans to purchase the remaining major outlets.


Independent Authors: Be on the lookout for a black envelope with our wax seal. That represents initiation into our ranks and a better life for you and your books.

We shall leave you with a parting quote from one of our most successful member authors so far this century, Stephanie Meyer:

“I wish they would remove Bram Stoker from the Ink Hall of Fame. Vampires are kinda meant to be my deal, you know?”

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