The Advanced Amazon Sockpuppet Strategy

Amazon ‘Sockpuppet’ accounts are virtual puppets created by Amazon authors to give their own ratings a boost. Using these accounts, authors employ tactics such as:

• Giving their own books a 5 star rating and a glowing review
• Giving other authors in their genre a 1 star rating and a damning review, regardless of actual quality
• Creating message board threads and other discussion topics praising their own magnificent literary skills, under the guise of an ‘impartial judge’
• Sending death threats to reviewers and bloggers who were less than fully pleased with their book

This is the Novice Amazon Sockpuppet Strategy. It requires little more than a second email address, 2 minutes to register the fake account and a vigilant eye to watch for any negative comments about their book.

The Advanced Amazon Sockpuppet Strategy is a way for authors to shake this model up and see better results. The process is much more time-consuming and expensive, but we all knew what we were in for when we signed up for this lifestyle:

1. Start with a newly released book of yours that has not received any reviews yet.

2. Create 965 fake Amazon Sockpuppet Accounts. These must seem to originate from 965 different locations (IP addresses). Better get to work reading up on how to use untraceable Proxy Servers to disguise the location of each account! Do this gradually over a period of 3 months.

3. Also create 965 fake Paypal Accounts. Load each one with the value of your book (told you this would be more expensive, but you’ll recoup a bit in the next step and the final result will make it all worthwhile). Connect each Paypal account to its own Amazon Sockpuppet Account.

4. Over the period of a month, start using your Sockpuppet Accounts to leave 1 star negative reviews about your own book. Make sure to buy a copy of the book first in order to make it a ‘Verified Purchase’ review (and give you back either 35% or 70% of the book value, depending on your royalty rate). The tone of the review must attack the book itself in odd ways and remain free from abusive language.

5. Once the month is up and your book has seemingly racked up 965 solely negative reviews, start your pity campaign. Email the story of how ‘hated’ your book has become to reviewers, bloggers and book journalists.

Now sit back and watch the sales flow in as people flock to buy a copy of ‘the worst book on Amazon ever’ and see what the fuss is about. Hey if you’re lucky, they’ll decide that it’s not actually that bad and win you extra salvation points!

Good luck.

3 new ways to lure readers to your ebook

(Light warning: Following these steps might result in a few angry emails and bullets being fired in your direction. Unfortunately, the popular saying “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” only applies to the emails.)

Getting your book sales to take off isn’t easy. Contacting reviewers, hosting giveaways, participating in interviews, going free for a while, building connections on social networks and good old advertising are basic methods used by authors and publishers to give their book a shot at greatness. As with any other product, the results of these efforts vary greatly. You can take two identical author twins, have them write the same story and follow the same marketing plan, but there could still be a large difference in sales.

What's the solution?

There are two schools of thought. One involves authors attempting to manipulate the ‘butterfly effect’ by flying to a different country and killing a butterfly, in the hope that chaos theory sets in and somehow results in more sales for their book. As expected, this has produced mixed results and probably a few hurricanes.

The second, more effective route is to use tactics that are frowned upon in public. Here are three tips, (not) guaranteed to increase your sales figures!

1. Take hostages at a large book signing

Hugely popular ‘Young Adult Author X’ is hosting a book signing at one of the largest bookstores downtown. Hundreds, if not thousands are expected to turn up to grab a signed copy of her highly anticipated epic about the post-apocalyptic love between two vampiric zombies.

This is your opportunity to orchestrate a lucrative hostage situation. Remember to follow the principles of branding, by making sure that the name of your own book appears everywhere during your gun-toting rampage. This could include:

• Wearing custom clothing that advertises your book, instead of a dark criminal outfit
• Forcing ‘Young Adult Author X’ to read the first chapter of your book and give it a glowing review
• Talking to the negotiators at length about your book, and agreeing to release a hostage if the police announce details of your upcoming blog interview to the crowd
• Demanding a million unmarked kindle book sales instead of cash
• Refusing to talk about anything but your book at your eventual trial

You might spend the rest of your life in prison, but we all have to make sacrifices as aspiring authors.

2. Start a gang of innovative pickpockets

Pickpockets in major high street locations usually work by covertly relieving you of your valuables and leaving nothing in return. You can strike a blow for their reputation and increase your book’s readership by changing this model! After you hire and train a gang of such thieves, give them cheap USB flash drives containing a copy of your ebook. Instead of simply robbing their targets, your gang will replace the wallets with these copies of your book.

The downside? Your book’s name might become synonymous with theft and the ensuing rise in crime statistics. It might be worth it if your book is associated with that genre.

3. Lobby for heavy sanctions against nations where your book isn’t selling well

If you have the appropriate connections to get this done, then you’re probably rich and important enough to explore better avenues of promoting your book.

Nevertheless, even if you choose this path and the sanctions don’t go through, you can be sure that your book will at least get extensive media coverage. Most of it will be in the form of angry protestors burning effigies of you, but any publicity is good publicity. Right?

Good luck and let me know how this strategy works out for you! Suggestions and additional methods are always welcome.